Something that I hadn't really considered before coming here was the sheer pleasure and joy of seeing Zoe Derbyshire play. My God that woman is funny. Always with a sparkle of mischief in her eyes and total commitment to what she is doing in any given moment (diving down a toilet bowl and turning into a jobbie, for example, or fighting her partner for a forbidden birthday cake).
What I had counted on was that I wouldn't get though this 3 weeks without several crises of confidence. Let today mark the first.
In the last 2 days with Jean Claude, we have spent maybe an hour and a half in the morning on technical skills - mime, rhythm etc, and then 2 hours on improvisations. In those 2 hours, you might be working on the floor for 5 minutes, and then watching others improvise for the rest. The afternoon works in much the same way.
And I find myself frustrated at all the waiting. Frustrated that when my turn comes I make the same mistakes as always. Frustrated that I still get upset, even though I know that I am there to learn. Frustrated that I let myself feel embarrassed by what I have done. That the mistakes I have made grow and grow in my minds eye and play over and over again. Frustrated that I seek approval. Frustrated that I am not the funniest, most precise, present, creative genius clown in the room. And embarrassed that those thoughts are even in my head because I KNOW. I Know I am not here to be the funniest, most precise, present, creative genius clown in the room. I am here to learn.
And I blame those 2 hours of waiting.
Fins dema, Torronets
What I had counted on was that I wouldn't get though this 3 weeks without several crises of confidence. Let today mark the first.
In the last 2 days with Jean Claude, we have spent maybe an hour and a half in the morning on technical skills - mime, rhythm etc, and then 2 hours on improvisations. In those 2 hours, you might be working on the floor for 5 minutes, and then watching others improvise for the rest. The afternoon works in much the same way.
And I find myself frustrated at all the waiting. Frustrated that when my turn comes I make the same mistakes as always. Frustrated that I still get upset, even though I know that I am there to learn. Frustrated that I let myself feel embarrassed by what I have done. That the mistakes I have made grow and grow in my minds eye and play over and over again. Frustrated that I seek approval. Frustrated that I am not the funniest, most precise, present, creative genius clown in the room. And embarrassed that those thoughts are even in my head because I KNOW. I Know I am not here to be the funniest, most precise, present, creative genius clown in the room. I am here to learn.
And I blame those 2 hours of waiting.
Fins dema, Torronets